Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

There have been a number of best selling books recently that speak words of wisdom of how to not give a F— in order to be free and live the good life. What those books leave out are the internal thought patterns that trap people in their heads and causes them to be nice to others even at their own expense. At first glance, ‘Not Nice’ appears to fit this pattern. Because only a jerk would want to not be nice to others right!? What makes Dr. Aziz’s approach different is that is explains in detail the reasons why we accommodate, appease, and seek people’s consideration and approval. The fact is we very much care about what people think of us and by pleasing others, giving them everything they want, and never creating discomfort, we will be accepted. Unfortunately, as many nice people know, always accommodating lowers your personal energy and leaves you drained. Eventually you become angry at others and yourself for allowing it to happen. Dr. Aziz lays out the reasons why we learned from an early age to be proper and respectful at times. It continues into adulthood where we experience anxiety and stress that consumes our social, romantic, and professional interactions. We become so pressured to be accepted by others that it manifests itself as physical symptoms that arise from this anxiety. Dr. Aziz shares his personal stories of anxiety causing symptoms because of the mental toll caused from always people-pleasing and always accommodating others. He lists the specific tools necessary to be your own #1 advocate and take better care of yourself without always feeling so guilt about this. Dr. Aziz makes it clear that making significant change takes direct action and consistency. Fortunately, he provides a multitude of case studies and scenarios to illustrate how to get started. In the second part of the book, Dr Aziz speaks on how to reshape your mentality and take action. It’s not about becoming mean or cold towards others. It’s about bringing your bold and authentic self into the light for others to appreciate. At the core of ‘Not Nice’ is a passionate plea to not compromise yourself in life. Only by acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and attitudes can you begin to advocate for yourself. I have noticed in my brief application of some techniques from this book, how people are surprised that I pushed back at a request or spoke for myself for a chance. The anxiety is still there but I feel better about it. Plus others respect me more than I thought they would. ‘Not Nice’ is an excellent and refreshing take on how to be your own best advocate. It’s well researched and contains a lot of material. But ultimately it’s just a guide; you still have to apply it in the real world consistently for it to work. If you are ready to step outside of your comfort zone to be a better you, this book is a great introduction.

Before I read this book I was shy - "nice" - as this book calls it, but after the work I did on myself throughout this book, I can proudly say that I completely changed my behavior. I made it so good so i even bought this book to my friend who also struggles with niceness. So yes, this book is 500 pages, but with results like this, believe me it's worth reading even 1000 and 2000 pages. Anyone who wants to change should read this book, believe me it's worth it!

I'm in my late 50s and just discovered this book. Wow, I could have used this book 40 years ago! But, I'm enthused to benefit from this valuable information and practical advice for the next 40 years. Although I can't relate to everything about being too nice, there are many areas where I can and am already applying what I've learned. That said, I like the first half of the book better than the rest. The second half is a bit verbose and often difficult to relate to. Overall, great book, but could have been written in less than 300 pages.

The author’s personal experience with being too nice and his anecdotes about his efforts to change being nice are very helpful and relatable. The exercises he gives make a huge difference. As he points out, if you just read the book without doing the work it’s not gonna make you stop putting other’s needs before your needs. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from this book and have made significant changes in how I relate to people, no longer believing I’m responsible for their happiness while they are only interested in making themselves happy. I followed the golden rule of doing onto others as I would have them doing to me expecting them to do the same in return. They didn’t. They took advantage of my goodness. This book opened my eyes to no longer believing people are selfless like I was. I know lots of people who think they are selfless, but are really selfish. They are also people who believe their victims because they don’t get their way but it’s just because they believe they have to get their way. I learned it’s my turn to get my way, to do what I want, and not let other people have their way just because they want it.

I’m nearly done with this book but I can’t wait to write this review until I finish. And I rarely write reviews, so to be writing this speaks volumes of my feelings about this book. I’ve already been broadcasting it to my family and friends that this is a MUST READ! It only took about two chapters before I realized this book was written for me, or maybe about me. And at this point I pretty much feel like the book is reading me instead of me reading the book! I’ve read other self help books with the goal of increasing my self esteem, descreasing my anxiety and depression, and other similar goals. And though some of them were somewhat helpful, a lot of them were just cheesy and barely tolerable to read. Dr. Aziz, however, is not only brilliant on this subject, he’s also witty, authentic, funny, and makes me realize that I’m not broken, I’m not incurable, I just need to re-program my definition of what “Nice” is and apply it to my life. I plan to read it again and re-read it until this new thought process STICKS. I also have pleaded with my my sons to read this because I’m positive I trained my kids trained to be people pleasers the way I was because I thought that’s what a good person was. Now my eyes are open to how people pleasing has been a very negative thing in my life and is as well for my kids. Dr. Aziz, if you read your reviews and you’re reading this one, please know of my gratitude to you for writing this book. I now have hope that I will be able to stop drowning in the anxiety that comes from going crazy trying to live up to my perceived expectations that others have of me.

Not Nice is a powerful and eye opening book. It challenges the habit of people pleasing which I was or still guilty of and teaches you how to set boundaries without guilt. I have learned a lot about confidence, self-respect and speaking up for myself. It’s definitely worth reading.

Lo he comprado ya dos veces. Una en libro físico (lo tengo lleno de post-its y notas) y el otro en digital ... porque así me va más cómodo para resumir lo importante en una libreta.. Aziz es increíblemente sabio, ojalá tradujera sus libros al español y le viéramos más por redes, porque este hombre tiene MUCHO que ofrecer. Me ha ayudado enormemente su trabajo. Thanks Aziz!

I love how Dr.Aziz writes! His style is so fun and engaging and I can honestly say that this book is starting to change my life. Could not recommend it highly enough!!

Amazing. Easy read. Helped me change my nice persona to an authentic me. Ended my relationship which was going nowhere and only lastest as long as it did because I was self sacrificing. No more. Here's to the new me .. and guess what? I like me far better than I did before reading this book. Read loads of books but this one is definitely one I won't forget. Utterly brilliant. Thank you for making a middle aged lady free from the constraints of being nice to appease other. Thankyou for allowing me to finally be authentic. You wonderful man!

I have suffered from being too nice and a people pleaser. I got reference of this book from a udemy course that I had taken up. I could relate with this book so much.. As I kept on reading I felt, yes it is me 101. I have read a book earlier on people pleasing but the difference between that book and this is it is from the author who himself has suffered from it, so the tips are so practical and so liberating once I started putting it in to action. I have found this book very useful and it has given me a new belief in my self and confidence. I am looking forward to read other books on confidence by Dr. Aziz.